"In any relationship, each of the persons involved is both persons, because everything is an externalization of the mind's thoughts. This is why when we heal relationships and see everyone as sharing the same purpose, we are integrating our own split minds. My relationship with you is not what needs healing, because your body and mind are both projections of my mind. What "is" healed is my relationship with myself." [Dr. Kenneth Wapnick, Parents and Children, Our Most Difficult classroom]
- Whatever man profoundly BELIEVES himself to be, good or bad, that will he become.
- Whatever man FEARS others will do to him, so will they do.
- Whatever man HOPES that others will do to him, he must first do to them, since he is then creating a 'consciousness pattern' which will return to bless him to the extent he has blest others.
- Whatever disease man DREADS so will he become prey to it for he will have created a 'consciousness pattern' of the very thing he least wants to experience.
- Whatever is sent forth from man's mind and heart - returns to him in due course in some form or another, but remember that like always breeds like. Strongly emotional thoughts are 'consciousness seeds' planted within a man's own orbit of consciousness. These will grow, bearing a like harvest for his reaping.
"Try to see self in the other's place. And this will bring the basic spiritual forces that must be the prompting influence in the experience of each soul, if it would grow in grace, in knowledge, in understanding; not only of its relationship to God, its relationship to its fellow man, but its relationship in the home and in the social life." Cayce (2936-2)
"Yea, thy Lord, thy God, showeth thee this day by day in His dealings with thy fellow man, to show those promises that have been made sure in the experiences of those that seek. For He giveth good and evil unto all, and ye choose through the will thy relationships - as to whether they shall be for self-exaltation, self-glorification, self-indulgence, self-gratification, or for the love of life, of truth, of hope, of honor, of virtue, of patience, of brotherly love. Ye yourselves show forth these in the manners, the ways ye deal with thy fellow man!" Cayce (254-91)
"Never so act, in any manner, in any inclination, that there may ever be an experience of regret within self. Let the moves and the discourteousness, the unkindness, all come from the other. Better to be abased...and have the peace within! ...act ever in the way ye would like to be acted toward. No matter what others say or even do, do as ye would be done by; and then the peace that has been promised is indeed thine own." Cayce (1183-3)
"Smile always - and LIVE the smile!" Cayce (1819-1)
"Know in self that the greater part is ever within self when trouble arises between self and daughter, between self and neighbor, between self and husband. For that we think, that we give voice to in condemnation of others, we will find within our own selves. For the Lord thy God is one. And where ye condemn, so are you condemned. As ye forgive, so are ye forgiven." Cayce (3457-1)
"First big job is to conquer self! Know the ideal. Do apply it in self. Learn to live with self and you'll learn to live with others. People are not different from yourself. They have ideas also and they may be just as near right as self. But there is an ideal way. How? Living with others." Cayce (5392-1)
"... if the entity allows [the relationships with individuals] to produce a hardening of the heart, or of a determination to get even, or of those conditions that hold for discontent, malice, or otherwise, these must surely bring the destructive forces that build that which the entity must meet; for, in truth, that builded in the mental forces of a body is as ACTIVE in the experiences as must come to the entity as were done in the very material act; for, as was given, "It hath been said, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth; yet I say unto thee, he that hateth his brother is worse than he that DESTROYETH a body." Cayce (1234-1)
HEAVEN #4071 It Is Blessed to Give, January 17, 2012
So long as you require other people to be what you believe you need them to be, you will be let down. Love does not come from need. It may feel like love to you, this need you feel, yet love comes from giving, not from need. So long as you are needy for something from a relationship, you are controlling. You are making demands. You are putting pressure on another to be what you are sure they have to be for you. You have a picture of what they are supposed to do for you, and, when they did not fulfill this assigned role, you are sure that they have let you down.
Why does anyone have to be anything for you? It is not for you to seize another's being. You are not their reason for being. It is not for you to put a clamp on others, yet when you think you need something from others, when you feel there is something they must bestow upon you, you are demanding and pressuring them to serve you.
When you need to be built up, you are looking in the wrong place. No one is going to build you up to the extent you desire. No one is going to fill your needs. No one has to. You have to fill your own needs.
No one has to be there for you. The thing is that people will be there for you of their own free will, not your will. You must not exact fulfillment from others. They must have their freedom to choose, and you must give them the freedom that already belongs to them.
If you are needy, that is your problem, not theirs.
Do not keep looking to others to fulfil your needs. They are not your mother or father. They are simple human beings seeking to find their way in a mysterious world. All others have one need that you can be sure of, and that is the need to be free.
You also have the same need to be free, yet you think you need a jumping-off place such as someone else's shoulders. Make your own shoulders broad.
Exact nothing from others. In love, you cannot always be saying, "Gimme. Gimme. Gimme what I cry for."
Let others be a gift to you, and you a gift to them.
It comes down to this: No one owes you anything. No one. Not your children. Not your husband. Not your wife. No one is obligated to you. No one has to do what you want. No one has to be what you want. Only you, you do. You have to be what you want to be. And you don't want to cling to others. When you cling, others can only push you away.
You may have been in the position of being clung to. How did you handle it? That is the same way others handle it.
Depend upon yourself, beloved. Be surprised when others offer themselves to you. Do not expect it. Do not demand it. Even when others have done something for you one hundred times, they don't have to do it again. It is not coming to you. You don't own them.
Remember to give without expecting something in return. Expecting is attachment. You are meant to love and not be owed even one sou.
And, yet in the world, in what transpires between two individuals, who knows what silent contract has been written. And, still, there is freedom. Nothing is to be enforced. Nothing is owed. Much can be given, but nothing is owed. All is a gift. It is blessed to give, and it is blessed to receive. It is not blessed to owe, and it is not blessed to be owed to. It is blessed to give.
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Heavenletters — Helping Human Beings Come Closer to God and Their Own Hearts
Gloria Wendroff, Godwriter - The Godwriting
International Society of Heaven
The Honeymoon that Never Ends
LOVE IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. Love relates, but it is not a relationship. A relationship is something finished. A relationship is a noun; the full stop has come, the honeymoon is over. Now there is no joy, no enthusiasm, now all is finished. You can carry it on, just to keep your promises. You can carry it on because it is comfortable, convenient, cozy. You can carry it on because there is nothing else to do. You can carry it on because if you disrupt it, it is going to create much trouble for youâ€¦ Relationship means something complete, finished, closed.
Love is never a relationship; love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. It is not like a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a certain point. It is an ongoing phenomenon. Lovers end, love continuesâ€“ it is a continuum. It is a verb, not a noun.
And why do we reduce the beauty of relating to relationship? Why are we in such a hurry? Because to relate is insecure, and relationship is a security.. Relationship has a certainty; relating is just a meeting of two strangers, maybe just an overnight stay and in the morning we say goodbye. Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow? And we are so afraid that we want to make it certain, we want to make it predictable. We would like tomorrow to be according to our ideas; we don't allow it freedom to have its own say. So we immediately reduce every verb to a noun.
You are in love with a woman or a man and immediately you start thinking of getting married. Make it a legal contract. Why? How does the law come into love? The law comes into love because love is not there. It is only a fantasy, and you know the fantasy will disappear. Before it disappears settle down, before it disappears do something so it becomes impossible to separate..
In a better world, with more meditative people, with a little more enlightenment spread over the earth, people will love, love immensely, but their love will remain a relating not a relationship. And I am not saying that their love will be only momentary. There is every possibility their love may go deeper than your love, may have a higher quality of intimacy, may have something more of poetry and more of godliness in it. And there is every possibility their love may last longer than your so-called relationship ever lasts. But it will not be guaranteed by the law, by the court, by the policeman. The guarantee will be inner. It will be a commitment from the heart, it will be a silent communion.
If you enjoy being with somebody, you would like to enjoy it more and more. If you enjoy the intimacy, you would like to explore the intimacy more and more. And there are a few flowers of love which bloom only after long intimacies. There are seasonal flowers too; within six weeks they are there, in the sun, but within six weeks again they are gone forever. There are flowers that take years to come, and there are flowers that take many years to come. The longer it takes, the deeper it goes. But it has to be a commitment from one heart to another heart. It has not even to be verbalized, because to verbalize it is to profane it. It has to be a silent commitment; eye to eye, heart to heart, being to being. It has to be understood, not said.
Forget relationships and learn how to relate.
Once you are in a relationship you start taking each other for granted â€“ that's what destroys all love affairs. The woman thinks she knows the man, the man thinks he knows the woman. Nobody knows either! It is impossible to know the other, the other remains a mystery. And to take the other for granted is insulting, disrespectful.
To think that you know your wife is very, very ungrateful. How can you know the woman? How can you know the man? They are processes, they are not things. The woman that you knew yesterday is not there today. So much water has gone down the Ganges; she is somebody else, totally different. Relate again, start again, don't take it for granted.
And the man that you slept with last night, look at his face again in the morning. He is no more the same person, so much has changed. So much, incalculably much has changed. That is the difference between a thing and a person. The furniture in the room is the same, but the man and the woman, they are no more the same. Explore again, start again. That's what I mean by relating.
Relating means you are always starting, you are continuously trying to become acquainted. Again and again, you are introducing yourself to each other. You are trying to see the many facets of the other's personality. You are trying to penetrate deeper and deeper into his realm of inner feelings, into the deep recesses of his being. You are trying to unravel a mystery which cannot be unraveled. That is the joy of love: the exploration of consciousness.
And if you relate, and don't reduce it to a relationship, then the other will become a mirror to you. Exploring him, unawares you will be exploring yourself too. Getting deeper into the other, knowing his feelings, his thoughts, his deeper stirrings, you will be knowing your own deeper stirrings too.. Lovers become mirrors to each other, and then love becomes a meditation. Relationship is ugly, relating is beautiful.
Hence I say relate. By saying relate, I mean remain continuously on a honeymoon. Go on searching and seeking each other, finding new ways of loving each other, finding new ways of being with each other. And each person is such an infinite mystery, inexhaustible, unfathomable, that it is not possible that you can ever say, "I have known her," or, "I have known him." At the most you can say, "I have tried my best, but the mystery remains a mystery."
In fact the more you know, the more mysterious the other becomes. Then love is a constant adventure.
When Relationships go Bad
"And when those relationships about same have been and are such that those conditions arise wherein there is the lack of harmonious effects that are possible, then as He hath given, put at naught those experiences, those influences. Let them be rather as they were not." Cayce (845-4)